For the past few weeks, I’ve been sharing a lot about my journey with alopecia areata. This is all leading up to Baldie Con, which takes place in just a few days now! In fact, I’m already getting ready to travel to Atlanta for the event. I’m so excited to meet other amazing bald women and to share my story with them.
Now, I’m about to share the last part of my story here. This is the most beautiful part of my journey – how I moved forward into living authentically. Although I spent so many years hiding, I finally learned how empowering it is to show my true self to the world. Here’s how it went.
Feeling ready to show my true self
As I shared last week, the birth of my son led me to realize that I was not okay. I’d been hiding for years, and I realized how much this was hurting me.
I wanted to stop hiding. I knew this was the only way to let go of the shame and anxiety that ruled my days – and were literally killing me. I would need to let everyone see me without hair, so I could stop obsessing about it.
Honestly, it took some time for me to feel ready to do this. I had to see – and then unlearn – so many patterns of thinking that I’d internalized over the years. Doing this is not a simple thing. If you find that you’re struggling with feeling ready to be truly seen, I want you to know that it was like that for me too. It’s okay if it takes you some time to get there.
My “coming out” as bald
Finally, I decided that it was time. On my birthday a few years ago, I “came out” on social media. I posted a pic of myself without a wig – completely bald. I told everyone that I had alopecia areata, which causes hair loss. I explained that I’d had this condition for decades, but I’d been hiding it all this time.
Although of course my family already knew, a lot of my friends actually had no idea that I had hair loss. (This is honestly a tribute to how good wigs are these days. I had been able to fool a lot of people into thinking that my wig was my real hair.)
Of course, in the days leading up to my coming out, I felt really nervous. What would people say? Would they judge me? Would I lose friends over this? Would people start avoiding me?
Once I made the post, I was really unprepared for what happened next.
An outpouring of love and support
None of my fears came true.
Instead of judgment and rejection, what I received was overwhelming love and support. I got hundreds of likes on the post, and dozens of comments. So many people told me that they admired how brave and strong I was to make that post. They were proud of me for showing my true self. They found it inspiring.
They even said that I looked beautiful bald. When I was younger, I never thought that I could be beautiful without hair. To hear that was truly life-changing. All this time, I’d been spending a ton of effort to meet a beauty standard that wasn’t even real.
I was finally able to accept myself. I felt truly beautiful, and I no longer needed to hide anything to feel that way. I had learned to love myself.
The gift of alopecia
When I was first diagnosed, I saw my alopecia as a curse. It felt like the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I felt this way for many years. If I could’ve waved a magic wand and gotten rid of my alopecia, I wouldn’t have hesitated for a second. All I wanted was for it to go away.
But now I see how being diagnosed with alopecia has shaped my life in some really wonderful ways. It pushed me to really explore my emotions, and to learn self-love and self-acceptance. So many people go through life without ever really diving deep and understanding their own patterns of thinking and feeling. My alopecia diagnosis is what pushed me to make that journey. Although it’s been challenging, the rewards are numerous.
Alopecia is also what led me down the path of becoming a doctor. As I sought to heal myself, I went on a journey of learning everything I could about health and wellness. That’s what led me to become the first in my family to go to medical school. I don’t think I would have done that if I hadn’t been diagnosed with alopecia.
My diagnosis has also led me down a very rewarding path of becoming an advocate and supporter for others facing similar challenges. For many years, I’ve worked with and supported the National Alopecia Areata Foundation. I’ve also done a lot of speaking, both in person and online.
For example, during covid, I created a webinar series called Let’s Talk, with my colleague and fellow baldie Dr. Angela Rodgers. We shared a ton of information to help people living with alopecia areata, from healthy eating to self-love. I feel deeply nourished by being able to help others and give back in this way.
The challenges that I went through are what shaped me into who I am today. I love myself, and I accept that I had to go through this difficult journey in order to get to the place where I can truly say that.
Exploring your own journey into authenticity
Everyone’s journey is unique. Maybe you have alopecia like me, or maybe you’re facing different challenges. Particularly for those with any type of chronic skin condition, it’s common to find it difficult to love ourselves. Our condition affects our appearance, which in turn impacts our self-esteem and confidence. Often, we just want to hide it. As I’ve shared, that’s certainly what happened to me.
I’m here to share with you the beauty that comes after you stop hiding and show your true self to the world. Wherever you are along that journey, I’d like to encourage you to consider taking the next step. You might not be ready to be completely open about your condition quite yet, and that’s okay.
But whatever it is that you fear will happen once you show your complete and authentic self to the world – nothing hidden at all – I promise you that what’s waiting for you is more beautiful and powerful than you can imagine.
Let’s do one more journaling exercise. This time, we’ll explore where you’re at along your journey of self-love and authenticity. Remember, the idea is to simply write freely. Don’t try to edit or plan what you’re going to write – and definitely don’t write what you think you’re supposed to. The idea is to explore how you actually feel, right now. From there, you can move forward.
What do you fear would happen if you completely stopped trying to hide your skin condition?
Consider these fears. Do they seem likely to actually happen?
How many people currently know about your diagnosis?
How many people have seen your skin (or hair) as it truly is – completely undisguised? How have those people reacted?
If you haven’t yet “come out” in public about your condition, do you feel that you might be ready to do that?
If so, what do you want that announcement to look like and say?
If not, what’s blocking you from feeling ready just yet?
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