Friendships are absolutely crucial to your health and well-being. In fact, quite a bit of research has shown that having positive and supportive friendships is strongly correlated with better physical and mental health. This is one of those aspects of health that I noticed that mainstream medicine almost always overlooks – in fact, it never even occurs to most doctors to ask about your friendships. But if you want to improve your skin health, or any other aspect of your health, then you can’t afford to ignore your friendships.
Some people already have enough friends, and they may just need to put a little more intention into nurturing those connections. However, I talk to so many women who would like to have more friends. When we’re younger, friendships just seem to happen on their own – the school environment makes it easy to get to know people. But as we get older, many people struggle to find new friends.
I know what this is like. I remember struggling to find friends as well.
How I found new friends in my late 30s
By my late 30s, I’d moved away from the area where I grew up. Med school and residency had kept me very busy, and I hadn’t really thought much about friendships, let alone had time to invest in creating new ones. By this point, I’d also divorced my ex-husband, and I really didn’t know anyone in the area where I lived.
I often felt isolated and lonely. My work was stressful, and I really needed social support. But it was so hard to meet new people.
I went through a series of shallow friendships. I’d get to know a new person, but we really weren’t aligned. I didn’t feel free to share my true self – everything was just surface level. After hanging out with one of these friends, I’d still feel lonely, because I hadn’t experienced a truly authentic connection. It wasn’t necessarily anything wrong with the other person – we just weren’t really a good match as friends, because we didn’t see the world in the same way.
I knew that I needed to put myself into situations where I’d meet other likeminded women. That meant doing things I enjoyed, and taking the risk of introducing myself to others. While I was out hiking, instead of just passing by other hikers, I’d take the time to say hi and start a conversation if the other person was interested. I really hit it off with one woman I met while hiking – we traded contact info and stayed in touch, and we started hanging out. We’re still good friends today. Through her, I met a couple of other friends who I also love to spend time with. In fact, they threw me a wonderful 40th birthday party.
I’d also go up to people at the gym and introduce myself. It felt a little intimidating at first, but I quickly realized that many other people wanted to connect as well. In fact, a lot of people are feeling exactly the way you are – they’d like to find new friends. I connected with a few people this way, and we still meet up for coffee or go to concerts together. We’re all busy, so we don’t see each other every day, but we do make an effort to stay connected.
How you can go about making new friends
If you’re hoping to make new friends, my number one tip is to put yourself out there. New friends aren’t simply going to walk into your house while you’re on the couch binging Netflix – you’ll need to go out and find people you feel aligned with.
Start by thinking about the activities that you enjoy most. You’re much more likely to start up a truly nourishing friendship with someone who you share an interest with. Maybe you enjoy hiking, yoga, ceramics, or theater. You could go to yoga classes, join a ceramics class, or audition for a community theater production. These are all great places to meet people. You might also spend some time in group settings already, like the gym, church, or work.
The next step is to take the initiative to introduce yourself to people. You certainly won’t connect with everyone that you meet, but you’ve got to introduce yourself to lots of people to find the ones that are a great match for you as friends. Even if you don’t end up starting up a new friendship, it’s still enjoyable to have a conversation. This step can feel really intimidating, but keep in mind that a lot of other people are looking for new friends too. Many people will welcome your friendly introduction, so don’t be afraid to say hi.
If you feel like you’re aligned with another person, then ask them to hang out. You might want to ask them to get coffee with you sometime, or to go on a hike together, or to go see a new art exhibit at a local gallery or museum. You’ll need to feel into the right time to do this. Maybe you have a few conversations at the gym or at your class first. When you feel like you know them a little bit, then it’s a great time to invite them to hang out.
Most people are really busy, and sometimes they won’t feel like they have the time to invest in a new friendship. Try not to take it personally if someone doesn’t accept your invitation, or if the new friendship fizzles out. Just move on and keep talking to new people. You’ll find your friends, as long as you don’t give up.
Friends are incredibly important for your health. It’s common to feel like you don’t have enough of them, and to struggle making new ones as an adult. If you feel this way, nothing is wrong with you, and there’s definitely hope. I made some great new friends in my 30s and 40s, just by putting myself out there and taking the risk of talking to new people. With a bit of effort, you’ll find new and rewarding friendships too.
One great place to meet likeminded women is in our Mind Gut Skin Academy communities. You’ll find others there who are on a journey of living healthy and authentic lives. This is a fantastic place to make new connections. I feel such a sense of satisfaction about the new friendships developing inside of these groups. You can learn more, or join one of these groups, here.